Why "it doesn't matter"

So, I thought it fitting to have a post (for current and potential future employers) and other folks that might pass a sideways glance to such a defeatist title to a blog. To which, over time "it might not matter" since either no one will care, no one really reads this, or people just read from the top and think I'm some sort of depressed psychopath geek coder that figured out what the fuck was wrong with some super obscure problem once and then no one ever looked at his blog ever again. Alas. I feel compelled to disclose:

Disclaimer: I am not especially disturbed or
have mental problems. I'm OK. I sometimes rant. I am a
geek. I try to be fair. I usually argue with myself. I have
been known to talk to myself. I am not an especially accomplished
writer. I don't plan to get alot better. I don't even plan to be all that good. I try to write stuff Mom and Dad would be proud to read
(but probably not understand). I use parens (a lot). I use shitloads of metaphors. Or similies. I use like alot so they must be similies, oh dammit anyway... I write runon sentences. I like writing
about how stuff doesn't work the way you think it ought to. I am probably
strange. I can live with that. But I assure you I am OK. So if
you're OK with all of that -- cool. wait, there is someone out there
reading right?

... silence...

Damn.

Anyway. For me I often struggle with the ideal. Doing "the right thing".
Choosing the "right path. Making good decisions. I often wrestle with the
impenetrable question of "what would Jim Lehmer do?"



And what's been therapeutic for me is to discover that "it
doesn't matter." The ideal is that -- ideal, nothing more. It is to be desired
and rarely achieved. In the meantime we're paid to get stuff done, and make it
work. There is no time for ideal. It never arrives. "It doesn't matter what you
do, things need to get done, there's no time to wait for "Supercool Server 2101"
that will make our lives soooooo much easier. There are dollars to be made now.
Do it!


Do I still strive for ideal. Sure. Its there. But with
all the things in the universe combining with entropy, and undiscovered truths
we will never likely understand ideal is fleeting. Even if it is achieved, it is
met with undoubtable future ruin, lest it be continually propped up and
reinforced. It doesn't matter what you do, something (big software, competitors,
haters) is/are working against you. Its a continual battle. Celebrate it when it
happens, for the time is rare and short.


I'm in no way fostering a defeatist attitude here either. Just being real. True. It happens. Stuff breaks. Things fall over. And then sometimes they are hard to fix. We made a bad decision. Do we want things to slip, no, not ordinarily. But it happens. Quit beating yourself up and live. I seek only to reinforce in my own mind (and hopefully in others), that even though it doesn't matter -- you still need to do it. Pick up your fucking keyboard and lick some code. Make the shit work. Why? Because that's what you do.


Enjoy at your own risk.